I never really looked excitedly forward to post secondary education. It just meant more work and stress at a cost. As our young scholars are about to make a run at higher education, I wonder about the true merits of post secondary life.

"But Anny! Think about the freedom you had without your parents meddling in it!"

Well, no. My parents gave up on putting limitations on my life when they discovered a half quarter baggie of weed next to my birth control pills when I about 15. I guess they figured since their little girl was getting fucked (in all senses, I suppose) on her weekends but still managed to keep a grade level worthy of satisfying Asian parents, they had nothing to worry about. Come to think of it, life was shitty during my first year. I starved on a regular basis, walked or waited for the bus in shit weather if I had anywhere to go and had almost zero privacy. When I lived with my parents, I had all the privacy and isolation I needed -- until I got hungry or needed the car.

"Okay ... think about the all the new people and friends you met!"

Ha. The school I eventually chose was the intuitive choice for nearly everyone in my graduating class. On top of that, my closest friends decided to go to the same school as well. Oh, it gets better. Three of us lived in the same residence. The rest were less than a 5 minute walk away. Sure, I met people. Yeah, I do have fond memories with these new found friends from faraway towns. But instead of discovering the joys of beer pong with Mitch from New Glasgow, Nova Scotia, I cut out the grueling process of making nice with strangers and maintained my binge drinking antics with the people who held me upside down in my prom dress while doing keg stands. Blame it on my high regard for laziness.

"Well, how about your venture onto higher academics that will lead to a promising career?"

Yeah, I fell for that one too. Being the self-indulgent cocky brainiac, I did something stupid and accepted an offer for enrollment in a biomedical science program. Sure, this could lead to my childhood dream of becoming a physician. But then I realized how hard it was. Especially when I majored in biology. Then chemistry. And then I had a stint in economics. Then I reverted back to the sciences and became a physics major. Then I realized that I was waist high in shit and couldn't turn back. Too much work, too much time, too much money ... I was fucked by this time (in all senses). Did I receive higher learning and a chance to fulfill my childhood dream? Yes. Do I care? Not really. So after all that bullshit and I still come out as cynical as I am now ... I really don't think it was worth it.

"How about using this time in your life to find yourself?"

I kind of agree with this theory. While I'm still a piece of work to fix, I am pretty confident in myself to admit that I DO know what kind of a person I do want to be but I'm not quite sure how to get to that point. I did a Hell of a lot of growing up in those years. I found that life is much simpler if you ignore the drama. The greatest thing I ever learned is just to love and be loved in return. And that friends will always be there even when you think they forgot about you -- they never did, they're just busy trying to figure all this bullshit out for themselves.

In my stuck up elitist mentality, I do feel sorry for some of those who have missed out on this experience. Why? It's because they never had a chance to truly grow and make a proper transition from childhood to adulthood. I'm still in that transition (cue that Britney Spears song where she's in the Grand Canyon ...). I'm seeing a lot of it as of late as a broaden my circle of peers. Stupid, petty drama brought upon just to fulfill some sort of emptiness. Making a large leap into adulthood (getting married, having children, buying a home, etc.) when they themselves clearly can't yet comprehend what it's like to be an adult. The saddest thing about these people is that they have a shell of false identity that is translucent within a huge air of insecurities and uncertainties. I'm blessed to say that I don't feel this way. I may come off cocky and arrogant, but I'm proud of what I have become so far and I have this period of my life to thank for it.

Despite my hang ups on the time I spent working for a piece of paper that has yet to find me a relevant job in that specific field (another rant for another day), I do covet those 4ish years. I learned that I didn't like being another drunken bitch/whore (quit drinking), wasn't interested in being a used up slut (I fuck for love) and that even if I wasn't meant to become a doctor, I was put on this Earth to save lives in some shape or form. Perhaps I did walk away from this period in my life with something worthwhile.