Saturday, September 26, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
So just earned my Facebook photo creeper badge by looking through my younger cousin's friend's boyfriend's sister's (for serious) photo album of all of them on a night out.
Seeing all those cute young ladies (ages range from 18-20) looking fine as hell in their going out gear made me have a mild panic attack. Flashes of BF leaving me for a hot young thing was enough for me to close Safari right down, instead of safely clicking onto the 'profile' button to take me to a happier place.
Twenty something in closing in on me and I already feel like I need a visit to the plastic surgeon to tweak some things on me. Bigger boobs always get the job done.
How sad is it that I am already worrying about younger, hotter women coming in throngs to toss me off my throne.
Seeing all those cute young ladies (ages range from 18-20) looking fine as hell in their going out gear made me have a mild panic attack. Flashes of BF leaving me for a hot young thing was enough for me to close Safari right down, instead of safely clicking onto the 'profile' button to take me to a happier place.
Twenty something in closing in on me and I already feel like I need a visit to the plastic surgeon to tweak some things on me. Bigger boobs always get the job done.
How sad is it that I am already worrying about younger, hotter women coming in throngs to toss me off my throne.
As I age, I become more aware and self-conscious of my phobias. The list includes some (but not all) of the following:
Coulrophobia - fear of clowns
Astraphobia - fear of thunderstorms
Ligyrophobia - fear of loud noises
Nosophobia - fear of contracting a disease
Scotophobia - fear of the darkness
Tomophobia - fear of surgical procedures (on oneself) ... but I'm entranced when I watch injections.
Scoleciphobia - fear of worms
and to a certain extent, Phobophobia - fear of phobias
Most of these stem from traumatic childhood incidents. Some of these are downright understood. But is there a period in one's life when one grows up and gets over their fears?
Like when you flush the toilet. I admit, I used to be scared shitless of flushing the toilet when I was younger. I was also certain that The Terminator was going to pop up from the space between the toilet and bat tub. Not the ACTUAL Terminator ... in my hazy memory I distinctly remember being terrified of a cardboard cut out of him jumping up. Don't ask.
I digress.
I do, however, recall reliving the memory of my toilet fear (Terminator-less) among my friends who were able to confide in the exact same phobia as me. Eventually, we all outgrew that irrational fear and managed to get used to flushing without running away shortly after.
So why, I ask, whenever I go to a bar or club I have to play the "What's Behind Door Number ..." game? Clearly, everyone using these facilities is over the age of 19 (or be old enough to look 19 -- so we'll say 14 for argument's sake). I know I am not over my irrational fear of clowns ... but I also don't encounter enough clowns in a day to get used to them. But I do indeed use a toilet at least 3 times a day ... and have become accustomed to the roaring flush. Am I crazy to assume that other people have used toilets enough to get over their fear of flushing? Or are people that fucking inconsiderate to not flush the fucking toilet after using them? These are the same jackasses who probably complain about the state of the washroom and feel so entitled and above the facilities that they believe that they are too good to flush the toilet after emptying their bowels for another round of slut fuel. These are also the same assholes who think running their hands under a stream of cold water for 3 seconds is suffice enough to ward off the disgusting germs that plague a nightclub's bathroom. Nevermind that you couldn't even lift your cheap vinyl clearance heels to the toilet handle to flush the fucking thing (because you're too good for it and you couldn't bear to come in any contact with germs) ... you're the same bitch who had to USE YOUR BARE HANDS TO JIGGLE THE GERM INFESTED STALL'S DOOR OPEN TO WASH THEM UNDER COLD WATER FOR 3 SECONDS AND THEN PROCEED TO "DRY" THEM ON YOUR POLYESTER BLACK PANTS AND THEN GO BACK OUT TO THE DANCE FLOOR TO DANCE SEDUCTIVELY WITH YOUR DIRTY HANDS ALL OVER YOUR HAIR AND BODY. FUCKING MORON.
Fuck. Just flush the damn fucking toilet like a fucking grown up.
Coulrophobia - fear of clowns
Astraphobia - fear of thunderstorms
Ligyrophobia - fear of loud noises
Nosophobia - fear of contracting a disease
Scotophobia - fear of the darkness
Tomophobia - fear of surgical procedures (on oneself) ... but I'm entranced when I watch injections.
Scoleciphobia - fear of worms
and to a certain extent, Phobophobia - fear of phobias
Most of these stem from traumatic childhood incidents. Some of these are downright understood. But is there a period in one's life when one grows up and gets over their fears?
Like when you flush the toilet. I admit, I used to be scared shitless of flushing the toilet when I was younger. I was also certain that The Terminator was going to pop up from the space between the toilet and bat tub. Not the ACTUAL Terminator ... in my hazy memory I distinctly remember being terrified of a cardboard cut out of him jumping up. Don't ask.
I digress.
I do, however, recall reliving the memory of my toilet fear (Terminator-less) among my friends who were able to confide in the exact same phobia as me. Eventually, we all outgrew that irrational fear and managed to get used to flushing without running away shortly after.
So why, I ask, whenever I go to a bar or club I have to play the "What's Behind Door Number ..." game? Clearly, everyone using these facilities is over the age of 19 (or be old enough to look 19 -- so we'll say 14 for argument's sake). I know I am not over my irrational fear of clowns ... but I also don't encounter enough clowns in a day to get used to them. But I do indeed use a toilet at least 3 times a day ... and have become accustomed to the roaring flush. Am I crazy to assume that other people have used toilets enough to get over their fear of flushing? Or are people that fucking inconsiderate to not flush the fucking toilet after using them? These are the same jackasses who probably complain about the state of the washroom and feel so entitled and above the facilities that they believe that they are too good to flush the toilet after emptying their bowels for another round of slut fuel. These are also the same assholes who think running their hands under a stream of cold water for 3 seconds is suffice enough to ward off the disgusting germs that plague a nightclub's bathroom. Nevermind that you couldn't even lift your cheap vinyl clearance heels to the toilet handle to flush the fucking thing (because you're too good for it and you couldn't bear to come in any contact with germs) ... you're the same bitch who had to USE YOUR BARE HANDS TO JIGGLE THE GERM INFESTED STALL'S DOOR OPEN TO WASH THEM UNDER COLD WATER FOR 3 SECONDS AND THEN PROCEED TO "DRY" THEM ON YOUR POLYESTER BLACK PANTS AND THEN GO BACK OUT TO THE DANCE FLOOR TO DANCE SEDUCTIVELY WITH YOUR DIRTY HANDS ALL OVER YOUR HAIR AND BODY. FUCKING MORON.
Fuck. Just flush the damn fucking toilet like a fucking grown up.
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