Things that pissed me off today:

Dhalsim and his punk ass ability to knock me out from across the screen.
Lack of Diet Coke in my system.
Half breed Asians.
My mother.

Anyway, according to some psychiatric journals I am more prone to hating my mother since I am the first born child born to a young mother. Being a girl just ups the ante like Charles Barkley at a Blackjack table. (Not too sure if that analogy works, but it stays.) It also doesn't help that she's bipolar and can be emotionally volatile and that I'm just bat shit insane. And my poor father just gets caught in the crossfire for sowing his seed within my mother to create me. I forget where I am going with this ... I just want to stress that I do a very good relationship with my parents. But when we piss eachother off, it's like the Vietnam war all over again. Fucken commie bastards. I digress.

I was talking to my mother on the phone today and I was eating some sort of meat pie. My mother then snarks something about me getting fat. So then I (being a piss mouthed cunt) said "I get my ass from you". She then pretends to not understand what I meant by that so I call her out on using the immigrant card for the 78, 194th time and proceeded to berate her for not being able to pick up the English language after 22 years. Things I said may have included:

"If I can learn how to speak fucken German, you can at least know when I'm saying 'Fuck!' to you!"
"Sprechen the English, mom?!"
"What the fuck have you been doing for the last 22 years, then? NOT speaking English, that's for fucken sure."
"How is it that someone as retarded as Dad learned how to speak it fluently but you still suck?"
"Seriously mom, don't even bother coming to my convocation because I definitely won't have you to thank when I accept my diploma FROM AN ENGLISH SPEAKING UNIVERSITY THAT TAUGHT ME IN ENGLISH."
"WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU?!"

Her response?

"I don't understand." Le sigh. My mother is either the most inept person in Canada or the smartest for utilizing her visible minority-ness so effectively.